January Newsletter- There is no way to bend lower with my muscle.

There is really nothing I can do to earn His Grace.

Moving back from Tokyo to Keelung is definitely God's plan for me, just as the rest of plans he had & has prepared for my life. Each step, each direction, he is walking there guiding me through, the Lord has not slipped through any step and moment, either will He.

Moving back from Japan to Taiwan definitely has been a humbling & learning-to-be-realistic life experience for me.

Well, to be honest with you, I have lived abroad for 5 years, but I have been very terrible at finance, during these 5 years, I barely earned for my living, and barely covered my own expense. To be more shamefully honest, I had to totally rely on my parent's provision for tuition fee & life expense. Besides so, I had a really extravagent life-style. Whenever I felt empty or bored, I would just go shopping, try to find fulfillment through adding things to the cart or my room.

However, materialism can never truly fulfill my needs for perfect love. My serious material reliance has gone better after becoming Christian, when I started to put my sights and focus on Jesus's love rather than what I possess in my hands, which I had learned at the very first place to understand that Jesus doesn't look at how much I have, instead he only cares for my heart, which will be more than enough for me to live this life. His supply.

This time, after coming back for half a year, I have experienced the different living quality and standard between Tokyo & Keelung, which reminded me, this is where I am from. I have almost lived a life in a bubble for 5 years, where I am so used to Japanese price index and currency. When talking about it still horrifies me, I can't believe I had zero saving for the first three months salaries.

God is definitely teaching me how to deal with finance, and how to humble me through learning to control my money.

it especially hits me today while visiting my grandma's neighborhood. There is a newly opened cozy still home made cake shop that caught my attention today while passing by. Knowing the shop owner is really young, hearing her sharing her experience of running a cafe with really low budget, where she opened the coffee shop is considered as a falling & barren area of the town. She mentioned it was beautiful and romantic to have the idea of running her own cafe, however, it is never easy to take care of everything and it is also very tiring and time-consuming to bake everything on her own.

Hearing her sharing the experience, I started to realize I have taken God's vision for me to open a christian cafe in the central area of the town by the end of 2016 too easy. In my head, it is all an ideal picture of how I am going to decorate and do interior design and what kind of events & all sort of activities we can have in the cafe. But I am not humble enough yet to be willing to work in the cafe as a full time job ( at least at this current moment, I can't see myself surrender to that plan yet).

As a result, while she was sharing the difficulties and people's comments for her business, I can't help but could relate to her a lot, just imagining if it was me owning the business.

I am really thankful for God putting her in my life. She is such a bright, peaceful and gentle, special girl. God has spoken to me a lot through her this afternoon, to re-set my attitude towards the project. He wants me to take it seriously, and he will help me to take it serious, and he will put the right people at the right timing to consult me and he will form the best team. I don't have to worry too much, but it is important to be attentive to others' suggestions and words so I will not trapp at the unnecessary places.

At the meantime, I felt really blessed to have my current job, how much I am getting paid is definitely more than my job duties. Everyone at work is so nice and usually there is no much overtime work. I can't be more than grateful. Seeing her running her own business so bravely and spending each amount at the edge, I really admire her, and was really impressed by her.

It was a really humbling experience. I just realized how much I have owned that I don't deserve it.

There is seriously no way I deserve God's love & grace for me. He has been too good to me. After experiencing failures in my life in Tokyo, he has matured me and gave me some insights towards people through the failtures and struggles I had in the past, and I know now he is putting me into a phase of learning to be a better listener, a real compassionate empathetic person which is definitely honey for my life.

The more I realized how much I have owned, the peace from the prince of peace, the eternal life, the salvation, and the safe & sound environment, the well-being, well-off family, the more I can't not comprehend his grace.

I have been living a life of self-searching, identity-struggling and performance striving for 5 years, I am so thankful for the settlement and on-going surrender/stripping/cleansing process he has put me in right now.

I feel really peaceful. It is not about the outside world, but the inward strengths the Lord has brought for me daily.

Especially this morning, while my grandpa entered the house, I could feel something press on his physical heart so hard, that I started to have difficulty to breathe. It has been a supernatural & unspeakable experience how God has been teaching me how to sense someone's spiritual condition with someone verbally expressing it. It usually has to do with breathing.

I realized "sin" was the seperation that preventing my grandpa to breathe smoothly. Because he has not accepted Jesus Christ as his savior, he is not living in the light yet, so he could only experience peace & joy & love at limited earthly level, which really broke my heart.

I could feel the depth of despair of a life without true hope, a life without savior, which terrified me. If I am only a third person, who can only view it from a outsider's point of view, I can't imagine how much more the tumoil & darkness that he is walking with right now.

I just realized my ability of relating to people's situation, and put myself in others' shoes is really really low & weak. I can't imagine how much Jesus's heart has been broken for his surroundings and the people who had rejected him even betrayed him. Jesus definitely had the hugest heart among human's history. Who will be willing to be crusified on the cross just for pulling people out from the eternal darkness & despair, to help them reconcil with God?

At least I am sure I am not able to, thank to Jesus, his yoke is lighter than my own, so my struggles and afflictions are no longer my own. He would share with me, so he can empower me to do the things that I am not able to do on my own, because I am no longer walking alone. I have the most victorious & powerful God with me each step & action.

Isaiah 53:

Who has belived our message and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?

He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground.

He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

HE WAS DESPISED AND REJECTED BY MEN,

A MAN OF SORROWS, AND FAMILIAR WITH SUFFERING.

Like on one from whom men hide their faces, he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her sheares is silent, so he did not open his mouth.

By oppression and judgment he was taken away.

And who can speak of his descendants?

For he was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgression of my people he was stricken.

He was assigned a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death, though he had done no violence, nor was any deceit in his mouth.

Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.

After the suffering of his soul, he will see the light of life and be satisfied;

by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many, and he will bear their iniquities.

Therefore I will give him a portion among the great, and he will devide the spoils with the strong, because he poured out his life unto death,

and was numbered with the transgressors.

For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.